After the Thaw
by RabidSonicFan
Summary: As the title, this is a series of events (or "story", if you will) that takes place shortly after the movie, written mostly in a humorous tone. I don't know when I'm gonna continue this, but if you like a lot of jokes and lemony narrators, this one's for you! Also, this is a re-upload after I deleted it awhile ago! Why did I feel the need to say that? I don't know! Enjoy the story!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1:**

 **The Princess Bride…'s Date… or something parodic or whatever. I don't know; I can't think of a good chapter title. Shut up.**

Greetings, friends! It is I, your humble lemony narrator here to regale you with more tales of, uh… Frozen stuff; I guess (This is what I get for trying to sound more articulate). Enjoy...! If that's something you're capable of doing while reading this.

 _ **Meanwhile, In the Non-Descript Ice Lands...**_

Somewhere, in the middle of this cold, barren wasteland was a cave; wherein a strange, _**dark**_ creature resided, staring at an image of Elsa in his magical mirror… spooky, huh?

"Oh, Queen Elsa," he whispered, "The first human with powers! There's so much potential in you; I thought you would be the _one_ and yet…"

He strolls through his _**SECRET LAIR**_ , stroking his chin as he goes about his evil monologue.

"I watched you for 13 years, as you hid; and what did you do when you finally decided to reveal yourself...? Build a _skating rink_! So, you wanna be 'goodie-goodie' with all the normal people, huh...? Use your _gifts_ to play fun and games...? _FINE!_ " he stands back in front of the mirror, cracking his fingers, " _Let's play some games...!_ "

Back in the Kingdom of Arendelle, our favorite snow queen is all snug in her bed, taking a well-deserved rest; after all, it's only been a few days since the whole 'accidentally freezing the entire kingdom/nearly being killed by a foreign ambassador/finally reuniting with her sister after 13 years' thing… _and_ today is the first time she finally has to perform her queenly duties, after all these years of hiding. Sleeping 'till noon sounds pretty reasonable, if you ask me… But no one is, so Elsa soon hears the sound of her loyal servant Kai knocking on the door.

"Excuse me, your majesty…?" he asks, lightly tapping on the door.

Elsa groans, pulling her pillow over her head. "Gimme five more hours…"

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Miss Elsa," Kai says, grinning slightly, "What would the people think…? Ever since you've re-opened the gates, your subjects have been _dying_ to meet you... in a, um... manner of speaking."

" _Fine…_ " Elsa mumbles, "Just let me get ready…"

"Yes, your highness." Kai says, grinning as he walks off, "I know she's excited to see her sister again; but I think she's been spending time with Anna a bit _too_ much...!"

Elsa yawns, stretching as she arises from her deep slumber. "Anna better not have stolen my toothbrush again…"

Soon, Elsa is all prettied up; strutting confidently into the Main Hall and sitting her adorable tush down on the throne… Is it creepy that I said that? Nah, it's not creepy… Though, it probably is now that I'm dragging it out… Can someone help me stop…?

"So; what've we got today, Jarvis…?"

"You _have_ been spending too much time with Anna! And speaking of...!"

"Speaking of wha-" Elsa immediately hears a familiar voice reverberating through the other side of the wall.

"EXCUSE ME! THE _QUEEN'S SISTER_ IS COMING THROUGH!"

"Oh, boy…!" Elsa chuckles to herself, as Anna bursts through the door.

"Hey, Elsa," Anna runs up to hug her. "I've got exciting news!"

"A new chocolate store just opened…?"

"Uh… well, _that too_ ; but I've got _something else_...!"

"Oh, _really…?_ "

"Kristoff just asked me out on a _date…!_ "

"Well, that's _wonderful_ ; congratulations, Anna…!"

Anna glances around before awkwardly looking up at her big sis. "Um… anything else…?"

"What do you mean…?"

"You're my older sibling; don't you have any _words of wisdom_ for lil' ol' me...?"

" _Well...!_ " Elsa laughs, "Being isolated for over a decade doesn't leave room for a lot of social interaction… and that includes dating. So…"

This isn't the answer Anna wanted; so, she decides to alter her strategy by switching her maturity to that of a twelve year old. "Oh, _come on…!_ You've gotta have _something…! PLEEEEEEEEEEASE...?!_ I'll be your best friend!"

"You're _already_ my best friend."

"Well, then I'll be your, uh… _best-er_ friend...! And I'll give you my desserts for a month!"

"Sorry, Anna," Elsa chuckles, "You're on your own!" Elsa gives Anna a pat on the back as she walks off in a huff.

"Well, _that_ went swimmingly..." Anna thinks to herself, "Surely, there's _someone_ I can talk to...!"

"Olaf, _you're_ technically a guy, right…?" Anna leans over Olaf, expectantly.

"Oh, um… yeah, I _guess_ so!"

"I'm gonna go on a date with Kristoff; don't 'cha wanna give your cool aunt some pointers…?"

Olaf blankly stares at her.

"Olaf, I just-" Anna sighs. "What are some things you like...?"

" _OH…!_ " Olaf giggles, " _WELL,_ I like to take long walks on the beach, relax in the sauna, roast marshmallows (not to be confused with my brother marshmallow)… although, now that I think of it, I like pretty much any heat-related activity." Olaf laughs again. "One time I stuck my head in the fire place and I had to have Elsa make me a new one…! By the way, what's a date?"

"Well…" Anna glances around, trying to think of how to explain this. "When two people like each other, they go out and do things they like… and, um… if they like each other _enough_ …"

Olaf gasps in realization. " _YOU GET MARRIED…!_ "

"Um… no; we're more like friends... except we make out a lot. It takes a _lot_ of time before considering marriage!"

" _Oh…_ I think I get it now…! But if Kristoff liked you enough to ask you out on this "date", shouldn't you just be yourself instead of worrying about what _he_ wants from you…?"

Anna thinks for a moment. " _Nah…!_ Nice talking to you, Olaf!" Anna waves goodbye as she runs off through the town. "Don't go sticking your head into any more fireplaces…!"

"I'm not making any promises!"

 _ **Later, that night…**_

Anna nervously paces back and forth through the palace.

"Okay, Anna, calm down… This is just your first date with someone who doesn't want to kill you and you have _no idea_ how to handle it…! It-It'll be cool…! Yeah…! You are _strong_ …! And confide-" Suddenly, a loud yelp reverberates through the hall, as she hears a loud knock coming from the front door. " _COMING…!"_ She dashes to the front door and opens it… " _HELLO, GORGEOU-"_ Only to find Olaf instead. "Oh, um… Hi, Olaf…! What are you doing here?"

"I know it's almost time for your big day and I, um… wanted to help out."

He bashfully takes out a corsage from behind his back; Anna smiles, taking the corsage and putting it on her dress.

"Thank you, Olaf…" She bends down and hugs him.

"By the way, Kristoff's here."

" _WHAT…?!_ " She exclaims, standing up [while still holding Olaf, by the way] and coming face-to-face with Kristoff. "Um… Hi…!" Flustered, she drops Olaf on the ground. "Oh, Olaf; I-I'm so sorry…!"

"That's okay…!" Olaf laughed, trying to put himself back together.

"Um…" Kristoff said, worried, "Do you… Do you want us to help…?"

"Nah, don't worry about me; go enjoy your date, you lovebirds, you!"

Kristoff laughs nervously. "I don't know if we're " _lovebird"_ , persay-"

In response, Anna gives out a [nervous] hearty cackle... making everyone look at her like she just escaped from the insane asylum. "Um… Yeah, what… What he said…!"

Kristoff [very politely, of course] takes Anna by the hand; both of them waving to Olaf as they walk outside.

"So," Kristoff said, helping Anna onto his carriage, "Um… what do ya' wanna do…?"

"What do _I_ wanna do…? I-I _dunno_ …! What do _you_ wanna do…?" Anna turns away, wiping sweat off her brow. " _That_ was a close one," she thought to herself, "I'm _totally_ gonna nail this whole dating thing!"

"Well, uh… Hold on for a minute!" Anna nods as Kristoff walks over to Sven, whispering in his ear.

" _What should I do…?!_ "  
"Buy a book on dating…?" Sven imaginary responded, in Kristoff's goofy voice.

" _You're not helping!_ "

Sven makes a wry grin, showing off all his pearly whites.

" _Okay, wise guy; no carrots for a month!_ "

… And then he does a complete 180 and frowns; showing off _none_ of his pearly whites (Yes; that bit of description was completely necessary, shut up). "Alright, alright; well… why don't you take her out for dinner or something?"

" _A bit unoriginal, don't you think…?_ "

"She's staring at us, Kristoff."

Kristoff looks over at Anna; who's leaned over to the side, giving him a distinct "What the hell are you doing?" kind of look.

"… _We'll get back to this later._ " Kristoff stands up, nervously coughing as he walks over to Anna. "So, how's a romantic dinner for two sound…?"

"Sounds _wonderful…!_ "

Kristoff climbs onto the carriage; nervously turning away as he wipes sweat off his brow, leaning in Sven's ear. " _Why do I ever doubt you…?_ "

 _ **Later, that night… again…**_

Anna and Kristoff walk out of some sort of dining establishment. Truly, I am a master of prose.

"Wow, Kristoff," Anna exclaimed, rubbing her belly from satisfaction, "You sure know how to pick good— _ **BURP!**_ Oh, um…" She giggles, "Excuse me…!"

"Sure…!" Kristoff wryly grins, "As soon as you tell me what _you_ wanna do…!"

"Aw, _NUTS…!_ " Anna yells, as she starts to contort her face.

"Anna," Kristoff laughs, "What are you _doing…?_ "

"I'm _thinking!_ "

"You were supposed to be doing that for the past few hours, weren't you…?"

" _SHADDUP…!_ " Suddenly, she thinks back to the conversation she had with Olaf earlier… and an _IDEA_ sparks in her head! " _OOH…! OOH…!_ Um… what about the beach…?"

Kristoff looks at her and raises his eyebrow, bemused. "This late at night…?"

"Sure!" Anna exclaimed, dragging Kristoff through the town, "It'll be fun!"

Anna and Kristoff are lying on the beach, looking up at the stars.

"… And back when we were kids, well… Elsa still had her little, um… "Conceal, don't feel" thing going on, so I didn't really have many people to talk to… Most of the time, my only friends were the paintings… and the stars."

"I know how you feel…" Kristoff said, glancing over at her, "Before I found Sven… and the trolls, of course, there… weren't really many options… But, of course, that, uh… definitely isn't the case now."

They both look at each other, somewhat dreamily.

"So…" Kristoff said, scratching his neck, "Do, um… Do you mind if I…?"

Anna pulls Kristoff in, kissing him on the lips. "I had a _great_ time tonight…"

Kristoff grins, pulling her in for the big finish…

 _ **The Next Day…**_

Anna leans back in the bathtub with a sigh; humming as she giddily blows bubbles across the bathroom.

"So…!" Elsa said, leaning against the doorway, "I take it you had a good time last night?"

"Yyyyup…!"

"Kai came yelling to me about all of the sand you got on your dress… and in your shoes… and hair… need I go on?"

"No; I think I've got the gist of it."

"Good, because I was just wondering, you didn't uh… well… _you know_ …"

Anna looks over at Elsa, raising her eyebrow.

"… _Fondue…_?"

It took a moment for Anna to register. " _Oh…!_ Oh, _no!_ We didn't go any further than smooching…! For half an hour…!"

"I'll take your word for it…!" Elsa says, sighing with relief, "Enjoy your bath, Anna." She waves, shutting the door as she walks out.

"Damn it, Elsa…" Anna leans further down in the tub, pensively staring up at the ceiling. "… I _really_ want some fondue now."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:**

 **The Mysterious Mystery of… Mysteriousness… I'm still bad at this whole "title" thing, if you can't tell.**

This second chapter begins on a warm, sunny day; which means that this is a very good day for a certain snowman named Olaf… though not so good for anyone who doesn't happen to have a miniature flurry hovering over their heads. You see, one of the disadvantages of living in the 19th century were the lack of air conditioning systems. Luckily, Elsa just so happens to have the powers of ice and snow and the ability to control them, at that… though rather than freeze the whole town again, she decided to limit it to the courtyard for today. With all of the townspeople swarmed in one place, there's only so much for Olaf to do; so, he eventually found himself wandering into the castle.

" _YOO-HOO…!_ " Olaf yelled; his high-pitched voice echoing throughout the halls, "Hey, Anna; are you there? Everyone's playing outside in the snow…! Which is kinda like playing with my organs or something, _but I heard it was fun!_ "

"Sorry, Olaf," Elsa says, smiling as she walks around the corner, "But Anna's on another date."

" _Really…?_ " Olaf narrows his eyes, "Just how many of these "dates" do people go on?"

"Beats me," Elsa laughs, bending down to take Olaf's hand, "Wanna see how _I_ have fun…?"

"What is this place…?" Olaf asks in childlike wonder, surveying the room around him.

"This is a library," Elsa stated, sweeping around dramatically, "Back when Anna and I were separated, I had a, um… _lot_ of trouble sleeping… So, to calm my nerves, I came here every night and read books!"

"Ooh, I love books; _especially_ the ones with pictures in 'em… mostly because I don't know how to read!"

"Well…" Elsa smiles, "Wanna learn how?"

"Do I…?! Now I can find out how Oedipus ends!"

"Um… Rather than ask where you heard about that from; I think we should start with something… _simpler_ …!" Elsa walks over to one of the shelves, taking out a book called _The Brothers Grimm_ , "I remember reading these stories all the time when I was a kid…!" She leafs through the book, skimming through one of the chapters, "Um… Remember me telling you about how traumatized I used to be…?"

"Yes…?"

"This probably didn't help."

"Little Miss Muffet…!" Elsa exclaimed, clearing her throat, " _Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet-_ "

"What's a tuffet…?" Olaf asked.

"I don't know," Elsa stated, "Are you paying attention?"

"Yes, ma'am…!"

Elsa clears her throat again. " _Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet, eating her curds and whey-_ "

"Curds and whey…? Aren't they the guys who tried to peep on you in the-"

" _It's cottage cheese._ " Elsa said, with an irritated tone in her voice.

" _Oh…!_ What's cottage cheese?"

And while they're busy with that, let's move along to what we in the business call… *imagine drum roll here* _A SUBPLOT!_ So, remember that evil guy from the beginning of the last chapter that I probably should've put at the end or something? Well, he's back! And he's hiking up the North Mountain! Why, you ask…? Well, frankly, I think you need to put a stop to all of these hypothetical questions and just read on if you really wanna find out so much.

" _Stop…!_ " Marshmallow yelled, stepping away from his position in front of Elsa's ice palace. "Why are you here?!"

The little creature smirks, "Would you believe me if I told you I was selling cookies…?"

Marshmallow roars, charging towards him.

"Well, I tried…!" He jumps into the air (akin to Prequel-Trilogy Yoda), dodging Marshmallow with ease. "I'm sorry, are you supposed to be the guard of this place…? Because the last time I checked, guards are supposed to _attack_ people!"

Marshmallow growls as spikes emerge from his body; summoning his lower body strength to leap right to his opponent, who soon found himself being held over the ground by big, snowy hands.

"Now, _that's_ more like it…!" He grins, taking out a small mirror (naturally eliciting a look of confusion from Marshmallow). "Smile for the camera!" Then, in a quick flash, the creature chips a piece off of the mirror, throwing the shard at Marshmallow's chest.

Marshmallow roars in pain, and then… silence… like, really awkward silence. For at least five minutes. Eventually, Marshmallow put the big bad down on the ground. "What is your bidding, my master…?" (Yes, I made another Star Wars reference; sue me.)

"Take a little trip to Arendelle," our currently unnamed baddie said, pointing down, "And while everyone's sleeping, paint the town _red_ …!"

Meanwhile, back at the ra—I mean, _castle_ , it was morning and Elsa was sitting at the dining room table, having herself a nice breakfast…

"G'mornin', shish…!" Anna exclaimed with great gusto, sliding in a nearby chair with a full plate (and a full mouth, to boot).

"Good morning, Anna," Elsa said, "How did everything go last night?"

"Coulda been worsh," Anna replied, chewing on an apple, "Krishtoff's fam'ly ish awf'lly hyperacti— _BEE!_ " Anna jumps out of her chair, throwing her apple at the wall.

"Uh… _Right…!_ " Elsa chuckles to herself.

"Alright, Ms. Smartypants; what did _you_ do last night?"

" _Well_ ," Elsa mumbled, "I decided to be a responsible "mother" for once, and teach little Olaf an important life skill…!"

"And how did that turn out?"

"I'm… not sure…!"

"Miss Elsa…?" Kai said, stepping around the corner, "Your subjects are requesting your presence!"

"Um… Well-"

"We're kinda having breakfast here!" Anna snapped, "Can't you tell them to wait a few minutes?!"

"Try looking out the window," Kai remarked, as he walked off, "You might have a better understanding for their lack of patience."

Anna and Elsa glanced at each other before rushing over to a window in the hallway.

"Oh my _gosh…!_ " Anna exclaimed with horror and agony AND OVERWHELMING DESPAI—um… Excuse me.

"Hi!" Olaf said, walking towards them with a book in hand, "I don't have to sleep, so I just finished another book…! So, uh, what's… what's all of the commotion about over here? Because… I kinda feel left out on this one…"

"The town… Everyone's homes… they're all _destroyed_ …!" Elsa whispers.

" _Oh…!_ " Olaf climbs up to the window, "Well, that would explain all of the noise I heard around four in the morning."

"What am I supposed to _tell_ them…?"

"Who the culprit _is_ , of course…!"

"Oh yeah…?" Anna raises her eyebrow, "And how are we gonna do that?"

"Elementary, my dear Anna…!" Olaf exclaimed, using the book as a makeshift hat, "We simply follow the trail of clues leading right to the criminal who's responsible; just like my new literary hero: Sherlock Holmes!"

"Couldn't we just hire a _professional_ detective for that…?" And that's all Elsa manages to say before she gets her mouth covered by Anna.

" _WE HAVE NO TIME!_ " Anna yelled, "Hey, Kai!"  
"Yes…?"

Anna yelped as she found that Kai was already standing next to her. "Um… Mind distracting the crowd for us while we sneak outta here?"

"Kinda."

"Well, uh… We'll raise your pay!"

" _WE…?!_ " Needless to say, Elsa soon found her mouth covered again.

"Well," Kai drolled, " _That's_ as good a motivation as any!" Kai whistles cheerfully as he walks towards the main hall.

" _Anna._ "

"Yes, o wonderful sister of mine…?"

" _Get your hands off of my face._ "

"Oh…! Sorry!" She does so. I am great at narration.

"I know _someone_ who's not getting her desserts for a week…!" Elsa proclaimed, walking through the hall.

Anna awkwardly chuckles before drooping her head down, "C'mon, Olaf…"

"What could've done this…?" Elsa whispers to herself, walking amongst the wreckage.

"Well, using my keen detecting skills, I have begun to notice a pattern…!" Olaf claimed, speaking with an archetypical Sherlock impression.

"Really…?" Anna walks over to him, "And since when did you gain keen detecting skills?"

"Don't interrupt me while I'm detecting." Olaf walks over the rubble, "As I combed through the overwhelming destruction, I've repeatedly found bits of ice and snow. See…?"

Elsa walks over to Olaf and bends down, scooping up a small pile of snow in her hands.

"I know what you're thinking…" Anna walks over to Elsa and puts her hand on her shoulder, "And there's no way that this is your fault; you can _control_ your powers now, remember…?"

"Yeah…" Elsa said, still unsure, "Right…"

"Hey, Elsa…" Olaf said, "Even if it _is_ your fault… which, I, um… doubt it is; we need to locate more conclusive evidence!"

Elsa nods, letting go of the snow she was holding onto.

Anna groans as she paces through the town. "We've been searching this place for _hours_ , and we haven't found diddly squat!"

"But we aren't looking for diddly squat…!" Olaf exclaimed, "Should I have been searching for that the whole time…? I mean, it'd probably help if I knew what it was… _HEY, ANNA; WHAT'S A DID-_ "

"Hey!" Anna runs over to a pile of shattered wood, digging through the debris, "I think you guys should take a look at this!" Elsa and Olaf walk over to her, as she holds up a certain piece of headwear. "This looks like your old tiara; y'know, the one you wore back at the coronation!" She gives it to Elsa, who gives it further inspection.

"This _is_ my old tiara…! But I threw it away when I made the ice palace!"

"Well," Olaf said, "Maybe Marshmallow took it…!"

Elsa raises her eyebrow. "Um… I don't think marshmallows can _take_ things…"

"What do you mean? He's my little brother!"

Elsa continues to look confused.

"He's that snow guard you made to chase away Me, Kristoff, Olaf, and Sven…!" Anna explained, "I guess he came down here from the North Mountain!"

"Well, that _would_ explain a lot…" Elsa said, "Except he's not supposed to be attacking innocent people!"

"Maybe we should go up there and give him a little reminder…!" Anna declared, pounding her fist as a demonstration.

"Yes…" Elsa replied, narrowing her eyes, "Maybe we should…"

Naturally, the two royal sisters and their snowman friend head up the North Mountain…! But you didn't think they were hiking up there _alone_ , did you…? Well, no… They're not. Instead, they're riding in Kristoff's brand spanking new sled, [naturally] pulled by Sven.

"Thanks for the lift," Anna smiles, patting Kristoff on the back.

"Hey; it's no problem," Kristoff shrugged, "Helping my girlfriend and her sister stop a rebellious snow monster from destroying the town isn't exactly the _weirdest_ thing that's happened to me this summer!"

"Yeah," Sven [fake-] replied, "The weirdest thing was him actually getting a girlfriend in the first place!"

"Oh, _shut up…_!" Kristoff laughs.

"Um…" Elsa leans in Anna's ear, "Does this happen a lot…?"

"You get used to it."

Olaf leans over the side of the sled, squinting, "Hm, let's see…" Olaf said, sitting up, "I spy, with my little eye… Somethiiing… _White…!_ "

"Hm… Let's see," Anna gives him a sardonic grin, "Is it… snow?"

Olaf looks up at her, gasping in delight. "How did you _know…?!_ "

"Just a lucky guess, I suppose," Anna said, playfully rolling her eyes.

"Well, girls; we're here!" Kristoff pulls the sled to a complete stop, "Sorry, buddy; I'm gonna have to leave you here again!"

Sven pouts; scowling as he plops his butt down on the ground.

"Don't worry about the big baby over here," Kristoff said, "He'll get over it."

Our heroes (and heroines, for you nitpicky people out there) walk up the icy staircase; when they make it up top, Elsa suddenly gets a big chill.

"What's wrong…?" Anna asks.

"I don't know," Elsa replied, "But something doesn't _feel_ right…!"

"Awwwwww…!" said a mysterious disembodied voice, "Is wittle Elsa _cold_ …?! Well; maybe a delicate woman such as you shouldn't be hiking up the big, scary mountain!"

" _Who are you?!_ " Elsa screamed.

" _Yeah…!_ " Anna chimed in, "And _where_ are you…?! Because this is kinda creeping me out."

"Now, what fun would that be; if I just told you all right away…?" the voice chuckled, "Besides; I know how you like to play games, Elsa! So, if you play _my_ little game and _win_ ; I'll fix everything, go back home, and we'll all part ways as unlikely friends! Huh? C'mon; what do ya' say…?"

Elsa hesitates. "What happens if I lose…?"

"Oh, I think _that_ will become apparent as soon as you start playing…! And if not that, at least in the next five minutes…" the palace doors swing open, showcasing a gigantic labyrinth, "Welcome to wonderland, Alice…!"


End file.
